Va Va Va Voom!

Velvety.
Tongue-caressing.
Silky.
Voluptuous.

I guess they call it food porn for a reason. . .



Actually though, no adjectives can do justice to this week’s pie – a coconut cream confection that will have you, too, struggling for words. (But a simple moan of pleasure might get your point across.) In fact, the only way you could possibly be disappointed is if you come to the table expecting the coconut cream pie standard: a glop of thick, rubbery filling topped off with a ledge of Styrofoam meringue.

Or if you don’t like coconut.

And what’s up with that, anyway? Has there ever been a mainstream foodstuff more polarizing? I’ve heard the arguments – the gritty texture, the suntan lotion smell, the complex packaging – and I still don’t get it. I mean, there are plenty of foods in high demand that aren’t exactly user-friendly, i.e., artichokes, lobster, Gorgonzola cheese.

So why not coconut?

But I’m a mere advocate of pie, not an evangelist, so I won’t bother trying to persuade you. Here’s a warning, though: Don’t come to my house with your coconut prejudices unless you really mean it. Because you won’t be allowed to have a Thai curry or a pina colada, either.

The King (the one who shares the palace with the Queen of Tarts, not the one who lived -- lives? -- in Memphis) requested this pie for his birthday.



He seemed rather pleased with the result, even though the crust had shrunken a bit after baking. Thankfully, as kings go, he’s pretty good-natured (unlike, say Henry VIII), and my head remains attached to my shoulders.


Nasty-Good* Coconut Cream Pie
Adapted from Bullocks-Wilshire Tearoom and the Los Angeles Times

If you’ve made it this far, you must be a coconut aficionado. Now, pay attention: this pie filling needs to simmer for two hours. Otherwise, you’ll wind up with something that resembles coconut soup and the Queen’s ears will be ringing with your curses. So be patient.

*as described by a 12-year-old Prince

For the filling:

3 c. half and half
½ c. sugar
6 egg yolks
1 T. butter, softened
1 ½ T. cornstarch
1 T. canned sweetened cream of coconut
¼ t. vanilla
¼ t. coconut extract
1/8 t. almond extract

Pastry for a 9-inch one-crust pie (Use your own recipe or make crust for Cherry Pie and freeze half for future use.)

For the topping:

2 c. whipping cream
½ c. sugar
1 t. vanilla

1/3 c. flake coconut

Combine half and half and sugar in top of double boiler. Cook over simmering water 2 hours, stirring often. In separate bowl, beat together egg yolks, butter, and cornstarch. Add cream of coconut, and vanilla, coconut, and almond extracts. Let half and half mixture come almost to boil Stir ¼ c. into egg yolk mixture. Slowly add egg yolk mixture into half and half mixture, stirring rapidly. Cook and stir 5 to 10 minutes longer, until thickened. Cool in refrigerator at least an hour.

Meanwhile, roll out pastry and fit into 8 inch pie plate. Prick bottom of crust. Line plate with foil and fill with pie weights. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes. Remove foil and weights and bake 5 minutes longer. Cool before adding filling.

For topping, whip cream, sugar, and vanilla together until soft peaks form.

To assemble: Turn filling into pie crust and cover with whipped cream topping.



Sprinkle with coconut.



Now you can eat.